today is Father's Day, and upon careful introspection, i realized that everything i value i learn through and from my dad.
1. marriage is a commitment. it is two-way -- of respect, of trust, of fidelity. even when its springboard is love, its strength and longevity does not rest on love nor children alone. my marriage is about to legally end (despite its essence having ended almost 4 years ago), and my view on marriage remains despite my own failure to keep one. it is a commitment you do every single day as an individual and shared with your partner. while everything may start from friendship or kilig or love, it does not ensure its strong foundation. the presence of children (in marriage) does not, and should never be made an alibi, to keep it. your marriage to this person is more than enough reason to secure it. marriage has no formula nor is it made fool- or temptation-proof by a piece of paper.
i would have wanted to believe that i was made of love, not out of convention or as compliance to what society expects of a man (or a couple). but i am so grown-up now, and i have come to terms with my history. despite this, i know that i am loved, and that's enough reason to be thankful.
2. marriage does not change a man (or a woman). inasmuch as i would want to be idealistic and remain to believe in realistic fairytales of happy endings, i should have known better that marriage does not change a person. marrying your bf (or gf) should not also be treated as "default route" just because you are in a relationship. even if you have been together for years, it does not mean you would have to marry him (/her) or does not guarantee that you are ready for marriage at all.
3. a lie is a lie. it does not remain hidden for long. i always adhere to "honesty is the best policy." regardless if it would cause pain or result to complications, the truth is always liberating. i have no respect for liars, cheaters, traitors regardless if you are a parent, a relative, a friend or a colleague. your sincerity does not simply reflect your respect for the other person but it manifests your own self-respect.
4. your life is your business, and you are accountable to your God. i can only do so much for others. i cannot live a good life for them, and when they choose to **ck their lives up, it is their problem not mine.
5. i am no welfare state -- "teach them to catch fish." among friends, i may be one of the most generous, selfless persons, especially to family. but i realized i am no longer helping when i continue to be giving to those who do not help themselves, to those who choose to continue to err and live their wicked ways. "tapos na ako sa pagpopondo sa gawing baluktot."
6. trust is fragile. like respect, it is earned but it is more delicate. i may be the most trusting person in the planet but when i decide that it's over, it's done then it is. call me callous, call me names but you got my heart at the onset, can you blame me for choosing to save myself this time? i will stand by you, fight for you, stretch my patience to its limit, expand my love to the depth and breadth i could give but once realization kicks in, that you have cause me more pain and tears than what i think actually deserve, it is over even before formal goodbyes begin. call me unforgiving, call me a bitch but i learned that i should love myself more this time.
7. learning to love myself more is not selfishness. when i tend to be so selfless in the past, i realized that i always sacrificed ME more, more than anything, and this has to change. it's high time i treat myself better and allow myself to things and treatment (from others!) that i truly deserve.
8. love is not blind. it is even more sensitive to one's needs and feelings, it is open to seeing the other's shortcomings but it is never tolerant of evil ways and consistently bad behavior. love should make you a better person. it should also inspire your loved one to be one. if it makes you worse from who you truly are, i do not know what you call it but it is not love. love should inspire and reaffirm.
9. it is only history that can judge whether you have been a good parent but being a parent does not start and end from pre- to post-natal care, to providing shelter, food and education. it is a lifetime role. (i pray that, when God allows me to be a parent, i would be a good one.)
10. i am strong but this does not mean i do not hurt.
thank you Dad for everything, including all the hurts and tears you caused me. i am strong because there is no other choice but to be. i was an adult at 13, and while i missed out a lot having a (real) childhood that is ideal, i am thankful because i have envisioned and aspired what i would want to be early on; i already knew what i want to have when i am all grown-up. you and your *toot* ways have made me value commitment (in relationships), respect (for others) and truth even more. when i thought i wanted to be like you when i was a child, i realized that i don't want to be like you anymore. i want to be more than that. i want to be everything that you are not, and a better version of what you should have been.
i still pray for you but your life is yours to lift to God.
1. marriage is a commitment. it is two-way -- of respect, of trust, of fidelity. even when its springboard is love, its strength and longevity does not rest on love nor children alone. my marriage is about to legally end (despite its essence having ended almost 4 years ago), and my view on marriage remains despite my own failure to keep one. it is a commitment you do every single day as an individual and shared with your partner. while everything may start from friendship or kilig or love, it does not ensure its strong foundation. the presence of children (in marriage) does not, and should never be made an alibi, to keep it. your marriage to this person is more than enough reason to secure it. marriage has no formula nor is it made fool- or temptation-proof by a piece of paper.
i would have wanted to believe that i was made of love, not out of convention or as compliance to what society expects of a man (or a couple). but i am so grown-up now, and i have come to terms with my history. despite this, i know that i am loved, and that's enough reason to be thankful.
2. marriage does not change a man (or a woman). inasmuch as i would want to be idealistic and remain to believe in realistic fairytales of happy endings, i should have known better that marriage does not change a person. marrying your bf (or gf) should not also be treated as "default route" just because you are in a relationship. even if you have been together for years, it does not mean you would have to marry him (/her) or does not guarantee that you are ready for marriage at all.
3. a lie is a lie. it does not remain hidden for long. i always adhere to "honesty is the best policy." regardless if it would cause pain or result to complications, the truth is always liberating. i have no respect for liars, cheaters, traitors regardless if you are a parent, a relative, a friend or a colleague. your sincerity does not simply reflect your respect for the other person but it manifests your own self-respect.
4. your life is your business, and you are accountable to your God. i can only do so much for others. i cannot live a good life for them, and when they choose to **ck their lives up, it is their problem not mine.
5. i am no welfare state -- "teach them to catch fish." among friends, i may be one of the most generous, selfless persons, especially to family. but i realized i am no longer helping when i continue to be giving to those who do not help themselves, to those who choose to continue to err and live their wicked ways. "tapos na ako sa pagpopondo sa gawing baluktot."
6. trust is fragile. like respect, it is earned but it is more delicate. i may be the most trusting person in the planet but when i decide that it's over, it's done then it is. call me callous, call me names but you got my heart at the onset, can you blame me for choosing to save myself this time? i will stand by you, fight for you, stretch my patience to its limit, expand my love to the depth and breadth i could give but once realization kicks in, that you have cause me more pain and tears than what i think actually deserve, it is over even before formal goodbyes begin. call me unforgiving, call me a bitch but i learned that i should love myself more this time.
7. learning to love myself more is not selfishness. when i tend to be so selfless in the past, i realized that i always sacrificed ME more, more than anything, and this has to change. it's high time i treat myself better and allow myself to things and treatment (from others!) that i truly deserve.
8. love is not blind. it is even more sensitive to one's needs and feelings, it is open to seeing the other's shortcomings but it is never tolerant of evil ways and consistently bad behavior. love should make you a better person. it should also inspire your loved one to be one. if it makes you worse from who you truly are, i do not know what you call it but it is not love. love should inspire and reaffirm.
9. it is only history that can judge whether you have been a good parent but being a parent does not start and end from pre- to post-natal care, to providing shelter, food and education. it is a lifetime role. (i pray that, when God allows me to be a parent, i would be a good one.)
10. i am strong but this does not mean i do not hurt.
thank you Dad for everything, including all the hurts and tears you caused me. i am strong because there is no other choice but to be. i was an adult at 13, and while i missed out a lot having a (real) childhood that is ideal, i am thankful because i have envisioned and aspired what i would want to be early on; i already knew what i want to have when i am all grown-up. you and your *toot* ways have made me value commitment (in relationships), respect (for others) and truth even more. when i thought i wanted to be like you when i was a child, i realized that i don't want to be like you anymore. i want to be more than that. i want to be everything that you are not, and a better version of what you should have been.
i still pray for you but your life is yours to lift to God.
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