Mothers Are Not Made of These

Manansala's Mother and Child

it is mother's day, and there are a gazillion reasons to celebrate it.  in fact, i do not agree that this day should only be made special for just a day.  just like christmas, mother's day is meant to  recognize unconditional love and sacrifice that (most) moms are known for.  by default, moms are considered perfect in every way as they are more giving, more patient, more forgiving and everything "more" that is ideal.

i am blessed to have met wonderful mothers (my own mom, my friends' mothers, my mommy friends and colleagues), and my life has also been enriched with a few encounters with mothers from hell.  and because i am so grown-up, with a good excuse to be a b*tch in my own blog, i want to share what moms ought not to be.

a mom may be the light of her home but she isn't the center of the universe.  even when her entire family adores her like subjects to Queen Elizabeth, everyone outside her home, especially those not connected to her by blood or affiliation is never to be subjected to her power-tripping, monarchical tendencies.  she may have power over her husband (who seems to be oblivious of her dictatorial tantrums) or her adult children (who seem to be perennially dependent on her, even over the littlest things) but she does not and will never have control nor authority over persons outside her family.  "this being said, you have no right to treat people ill nor badmouth others just so you can stress how perfect your life is or how worth-emulating your manner of doing things is.  you might be uber rich but you can never buy that right to treat people like shit."

a mom may be the most vulnerable creature on earth but she is not (and should never be) a blackmailer and an emotional one at that.  "is it not better to get your message across sans the drama?"

a mom is encouraging and inspirational but never manipulative.  "it is already a given, you are there to be a good influence --- but to resort to all those dirty tactics, "vote-buying" and smear campaign make you a better politician than a mom who (supposedly) cares."

(trust being the operative word here) --- a mom, if she trusts her children and trusts her capability of raising them, should make her children decide for themselves and trust that those decisions are sound.  "pray that they decide well but if their decisions run counter to what you have wanted, remember that they are 30-40 something adults, no longer running to you to latch or for a change of diaper."

a mom will always be happy for her children and will not be first to discourage or be nega.  "while you pray that your children live fairytale, happy endings, bear in mind that life is fully of shitty people and crappy circumstances.  allow your children to experience these because these will make them stronger, not your interventions."

"you are a mom forever.  if you want to be the mom as you first were when they were babies --- get a pet and dote on it.  your kids are not 14 anymore!"  they want to be taken care of but not smothered.

a mom is a good practitioner of respect for human rights and freedom.  "you want to be a dictator, go and find a small, vulnerable, 3rd world State and spend your money on its citizens to buy their obedience."

a mom knows when to let go without making any conditions or dangling any favors (like a carrot) because she still wants to end as "the winner" taking it all.

a mom should never show that it seems okay to be matapobre, to judge people based on the decisions they made;  that it is very acceptable to be switik to achieve what you want in life;  that it's natural to discriminate because some people are not worthy because they are less in everything.  bottomline, a mom is never a bigot. period.