if there is a state of being that is way below "under the weather", that would be me now. there seems to be a chaotic, whirring thud-thud-thud inside my chest.  not explosive, thankfully but unstill.  disturbing, disconcerting.  uncertain.

i do not like this.  i never liked feeling this way.  it bears and digs deeper a hole (so bottomless) in my stomach that even breathing seemed laborious.  if only tears could wash this away, i would readily cry myself to sleep every single day.

"Lord, unburden me.  i beg You."