celebrating today

today is mr p's 36th birthday, and what better way to celebrate his birth date is by honoring him.  i will write about how he is to me and how i have become because of him.  please indulge me if i would be bordering on mush here. 

"So, I love you because the entire Universe conspired to help me find you. ~ Paulo Coehlo, The Alchemist" 

to be more accurate, you found me (again) three years ago.  regardless, of who found who, i thank God for you.  you came in my life when all i prayed for is to be happy again.  i didn't even wish for romance.  all i begged from God was to make me smile again and make sure that it reaches my eyes.

you reminded me of things that i thought i was already jaded about given my past.  with you, i learned to trust again without a doubt, without fear.  you encouraged me to love myself more by giving in to my wants, no matter how materialistic i may look.   you made me see myself as deserving to every bit of indulgence because of the hard work i put in.  you shared with me the belief that more than love, respect sustains a relationship, and friendship is its strong foundation.

ours, however, is far from perfect.  albeit the drama of our fights and (some) issues that fester, i realized that i was able to affirm my non-negotiables in relationships, and i was able to know myself deeper.  

when before i would simply keep quiet in arguments for the "sake of peace," i no longer mute myself, especially when i know i needed to be heard.  despite the possibility of aggravating or prolonging the misunderstanding, i now choose to be open and be more honest about what i feel and my stand on things.  we do not always agree but because i am more articulate about my thoughts and feelings, there is no need to second guess or feel apprehensive on what i might be bottling up inside,  and i thank you for this.  while it is difficult for you, sometimes, to consider my feelings valid as these are different from yours, you listen.  you hear me out.  we are what i consider a perfect combo (pardon my stereotyping) ---- you are macho, i am non-conformist feminista.  

when before i didn't take responsibility to manage the finances because i knew i wasn't good at it at all, you allowed me to manage the entire household and beyond this, trusted my decisions and recognized me as a sound decision-maker.  while i believe in equality and empowerment, you made me appreciate men as a pillar in a family as you are committed to being the provider.  thank you too for recognizing me as your partner in our finances (and expenses).  when before you felt so uncomfortable with me offering to go dutch or sharing with the expenses, you accepted my help no matter how barya it was compared to yours.  i need not be as worried when the utilities are due or the rent has to be paid because you provide so efficiently.

thank you for making me feel so important.  you made me feel that i am needed.  when you could readily share a drink or two with your officemates after work, you run home immediately because i am waiting.  i am thankful that you appreciate the little things i do for you, no matter how inconsistent i am sometimes because of PMS or stress-related work.  i am happy to be able to share with you your fondness for movies and our dates at home, doing marathons of our fave tv series.  i always get excited when my fave shows are saved in our laptop even if you do not watch them yourself (like CougarTown and Desperate Housewives).   those things that may seem to be little get really big "checks" in my list.  

your constant texting of my whereabouts, whether i was on my way home already or if i was home from work, i find exagg sometimes but examining these carefully, you genuinely care for me, and i am close to tears for gratitude.  i would rather be smothered with care than not being looked after.

all these and the many things that i was not able to write here about boil down to one thing: i am blessed to be all these --- loved, respected, trusted, truthful and faithful to, cared for, listened to.  not to mention the several times that you brought up marriage and wanting us married soon --- while it is already overwhelming, it is humbling.  and while i tease you about waiting for that rock as big as a corn kernel, you hug me tight while thanking me for being in your life.

in my heart, i always whisper back, "thank you for being in mine. and thank you for keeping a space in your heart specially for me, despite the impossibility of meeting again after 19 years."