i feel so Lucy Gomez-ish as i write this (how she does her columns in Philippine Star).
music is softly playing from the radio. my boys are sprawled around, sleeping soundly, while we all enjoy senti ballads humming them to sleep, inspiring me to write. it is quite different now as i need to clearly differentiate what is ME time from my work time from my time with my family. it seems that i am back to my "previous" life of busy-ness and ever so rushed weekdays. the only glaring difference i guess is my age, which does impact on a lot of things --- my speed (or at least, my conscious decision to not be hurried and harried, especially in decisions); my grace (under pressure, where i decidedly avoid sweating the small stuff); my taste (which has become really eclectic, and "eclectic" does sound so accomplished and grown-up!) and my priorities (there are just things and people worth my time and effort, others are just.. those could wait.)
like Lucy, i am in public service (again). at work, they always refer to me as "the return of the comeback." and a lot of people, if not all, do think i am crazy to go back to government. they do not seem to understand at all. well, as i have always been, i have no intention to explain or come to my defense. because if i do tell why, i will simply confirm that i am a nut case. however, i like to articulate sometimes that coming "full circle" is something that not everyone has the opportunity to experience. yes, i earned US dollars doing research and writing papers but i felt i am done and fulfilled doing those. i wanted to manage, i wanted to mentor, i wanted to share what i have learnt. i have no illusions that i will be paid a lot. all i wanted (as compromise) was a free transpo service, an official postpaid line (i cannot be reimbursed if i use my personal account!), and no timecard. i choose to give back and do more for my country. that isn't bad at all, is it?
when as before, i hoarded bags and shoes (not that i had a lot!); now, these are purely for functional purposes. no matter how cliche it sounds, having just enough makes you wise beyond your years. i have become a practical buyer, and my things are a mix of smart shopping and obscenely costly yet utilitarian splurges. i choose to optimize and spend within my means. i was told that my first paycheck is ready, and i have computed and calculated a few times how i could put the money to good use --- debt payment (i was running on credit for the past month), purchase of things i need asap, and savings (!). i might have to consult a finance manager to do this but i realized i do not have so much to manage and fuss about to begin with. and to consult a finance whiz, that spells so ilusyonada. ha!
my new hoards (as i promised myself i would amass when i have sweldo already) are nice-writing pens (pilot and stabilo for the meantime!) and really kyoot memo pads and color post-its (at least, the post-its would be office provision. they said.) so i just got enough post-it stacks until i'm given at work. the pens are in blue and black ink. i choose to motivate and reinforce positively despite my edits, especially when i ask my team to framework issues. i purposely do not use red ink when i correct because it does send a negative feeling to people. it bruises one's ego and lowers self-esteem. when i was a staff myself in pms, i dreaded seeing all those red edits. i felt i wasn't good enough and that my writing probably sucked. i choose to not make my staff doubt themselves as i did before.
i returned to pms after 8 years, and i realized that things are the same. the game remains albeit a change of players. while i know that i do have to possess survival skills, i choose to play things well: work hard and commit to my personal goals: strengthen my staff in frameworking and enable them to do project management until they get confident doing so. of course, i plan to initiate policy and program reviews too. but all these, i have to manage amidst urgent assignments and so many last minute this and that, and meetings. oh, meetings seemed to be others' preoccupation, and it tires me. for the past month, i can count (in my hand) how many and which meetings i really liked because those were purposive, short and/or insightful. the rest could have been done via a Memo or an email or a videocon. but this is just me. i am probably the most unreliable person to network and small talk, which could be one of the reasons why i avoid meetings.
i could officially revert back to my maiden name. in fact, i started to update all my documents and sign papers the way i used to. i bask in this freedom with caution because i choose to not make the same mistakes twice. even when some officemates ask, i choose to not dwell in the past anymore because it is pointless. it was a hard lesson learned though.
when one becomes a bonafide official, it becomes a way of life that i choose to be more conscientious of how i do things. even when i am not required to "bundy" in, i usually report to work 30 minutes after the designated time. i owe it to my staff to be a role model (if i'm serious about mentoring!). i am also punctual when i attend meetings. but i cannot help bringing out my nurterer self. in fact, one of our team supervisors chided me that crunch times always bring out the Mother Hen in me. i look for staff when they aren't around, whether they called in sick. i always ask how they are going home when we extend some time at work (i do not encourage overtime but i tell them to take the shuttle if there's a need to OT.). when you are boss, there is a fine, delicate line that allows you to be a friend at the same time. i honestly choose to not be conscious about this because i do not want to decide which to be, a good or a bad cop. when i can always be inspiring and positive, i choose to side with what is good. no brainer. but to be on the safe side (read: to not be misconstrued as not serious with authority myself), i pray for His guidance.
every single day since i started working again, i never missed on offering my day and capping it with prayers. i think i am holding on to Him even more strongly this time because things could be pretty overwhelming. He grounds me and enlightens me and protects me. i choose to allow Him to be a constant in my life.
and from all these, i choose God, servant leadership and love that empowers and humbles.
music is softly playing from the radio. my boys are sprawled around, sleeping soundly, while we all enjoy senti ballads humming them to sleep, inspiring me to write. it is quite different now as i need to clearly differentiate what is ME time from my work time from my time with my family. it seems that i am back to my "previous" life of busy-ness and ever so rushed weekdays. the only glaring difference i guess is my age, which does impact on a lot of things --- my speed (or at least, my conscious decision to not be hurried and harried, especially in decisions); my grace (under pressure, where i decidedly avoid sweating the small stuff); my taste (which has become really eclectic, and "eclectic" does sound so accomplished and grown-up!) and my priorities (there are just things and people worth my time and effort, others are just.. those could wait.)
like Lucy, i am in public service (again). at work, they always refer to me as "the return of the comeback." and a lot of people, if not all, do think i am crazy to go back to government. they do not seem to understand at all. well, as i have always been, i have no intention to explain or come to my defense. because if i do tell why, i will simply confirm that i am a nut case. however, i like to articulate sometimes that coming "full circle" is something that not everyone has the opportunity to experience. yes, i earned US dollars doing research and writing papers but i felt i am done and fulfilled doing those. i wanted to manage, i wanted to mentor, i wanted to share what i have learnt. i have no illusions that i will be paid a lot. all i wanted (as compromise) was a free transpo service, an official postpaid line (i cannot be reimbursed if i use my personal account!), and no timecard. i choose to give back and do more for my country. that isn't bad at all, is it?
when as before, i hoarded bags and shoes (not that i had a lot!); now, these are purely for functional purposes. no matter how cliche it sounds, having just enough makes you wise beyond your years. i have become a practical buyer, and my things are a mix of smart shopping and obscenely costly yet utilitarian splurges. i choose to optimize and spend within my means. i was told that my first paycheck is ready, and i have computed and calculated a few times how i could put the money to good use --- debt payment (i was running on credit for the past month), purchase of things i need asap, and savings (!). i might have to consult a finance manager to do this but i realized i do not have so much to manage and fuss about to begin with. and to consult a finance whiz, that spells so ilusyonada. ha!
my new hoards (as i promised myself i would amass when i have sweldo already) are nice-writing pens (pilot and stabilo for the meantime!) and really kyoot memo pads and color post-its (at least, the post-its would be office provision. they said.) so i just got enough post-it stacks until i'm given at work. the pens are in blue and black ink. i choose to motivate and reinforce positively despite my edits, especially when i ask my team to framework issues. i purposely do not use red ink when i correct because it does send a negative feeling to people. it bruises one's ego and lowers self-esteem. when i was a staff myself in pms, i dreaded seeing all those red edits. i felt i wasn't good enough and that my writing probably sucked. i choose to not make my staff doubt themselves as i did before.
i returned to pms after 8 years, and i realized that things are the same. the game remains albeit a change of players. while i know that i do have to possess survival skills, i choose to play things well: work hard and commit to my personal goals: strengthen my staff in frameworking and enable them to do project management until they get confident doing so. of course, i plan to initiate policy and program reviews too. but all these, i have to manage amidst urgent assignments and so many last minute this and that, and meetings. oh, meetings seemed to be others' preoccupation, and it tires me. for the past month, i can count (in my hand) how many and which meetings i really liked because those were purposive, short and/or insightful. the rest could have been done via a Memo or an email or a videocon. but this is just me. i am probably the most unreliable person to network and small talk, which could be one of the reasons why i avoid meetings.
i could officially revert back to my maiden name. in fact, i started to update all my documents and sign papers the way i used to. i bask in this freedom with caution because i choose to not make the same mistakes twice. even when some officemates ask, i choose to not dwell in the past anymore because it is pointless. it was a hard lesson learned though.
when one becomes a bonafide official, it becomes a way of life that i choose to be more conscientious of how i do things. even when i am not required to "bundy" in, i usually report to work 30 minutes after the designated time. i owe it to my staff to be a role model (if i'm serious about mentoring!). i am also punctual when i attend meetings. but i cannot help bringing out my nurterer self. in fact, one of our team supervisors chided me that crunch times always bring out the Mother Hen in me. i look for staff when they aren't around, whether they called in sick. i always ask how they are going home when we extend some time at work (i do not encourage overtime but i tell them to take the shuttle if there's a need to OT.). when you are boss, there is a fine, delicate line that allows you to be a friend at the same time. i honestly choose to not be conscious about this because i do not want to decide which to be, a good or a bad cop. when i can always be inspiring and positive, i choose to side with what is good. no brainer. but to be on the safe side (read: to not be misconstrued as not serious with authority myself), i pray for His guidance.
every single day since i started working again, i never missed on offering my day and capping it with prayers. i think i am holding on to Him even more strongly this time because things could be pretty overwhelming. He grounds me and enlightens me and protects me. i choose to allow Him to be a constant in my life.
and from all these, i choose God, servant leadership and love that empowers and humbles.
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