i posted in my FB status last week that if one wants a reality check, "watch Contagion." i will not discuss the movie here because i might not be able to give it justice. i watched it with mr p so on the technical side --- it was excellent (editing, storytelling, sound design). from my point of view as a moviegoer, without any high standards at all (i am no film critic and don't have plans to be one!), i thoroughly enjoyed it! it should be watched! its plot is realistic and yes, possible. it moved me to extreme levels of anxiety and fear, which makes it effective in its simple, dramatic, tragic way. funny, how despite the seriousness of the plot, mr p and i were zooming in at one detail: infidelity, and we both agreed that it is never justifiable and that it deserved the severest punishment, if karma is not enough.
while i write this, i'm in my room watching TV, chatting, bloghopping, yes, multi-tasking except what i'm supposed to do (read and research). this is one of the luxuries that i am so thankful for. i have my days off, and i can fully enjoy my ME time. God bless our household help. she has full control of the boys. all they do is sleep when with her. with me around, they are the rowdiest, craziest, roughest lot, and my patience is almost running on reserve. this reality reminds me that i'm no superwoman. i cannot do things all by myself. my life has been a breeze because i have support, and God is with me. seriously.
i'm considering a career change, and i'm working towards it --- taking eligibility exams, submitting my application, undergoing the exam and interviews. i have thought about these possible changes and for starters, made sure that i have more than enough "strong points" in my resume. more importantly, i have prayed for this. i know i want this change, and i think i have articulated this to Him nonstop. He didn't need to be convinced that i'd want nothing else. i cannot imagine doing something else in the future. in short, He knew that all i needed was His blessing that it was a go. and so far, He was a faithful God and an encouraging Father. i gave my best, i knew i did well, all i prayed for was that nothing goes wrong, na hindi ako mapulitika and that there'd be no glitches. so i want in joyful anticipation.
a friend of mine commented that it appears that 2011 is my year, and i realized it is but so was 2010. even when 2010 and the year before that was beset with problems, of which most were created by people around me, i survived it. i did not just survive it but i learned from it. i am happier and braver now because of people put put me down, who mocked me. i was hurt bigtime but i moved on. i let go of the feeling of insecurity that they created in me. i no longer doubted myself and the decisions i made. but i am still composed. hindi ako nang-eskandalo o nang-away. i let karma run its course. after all, there is justice. i learned to not fight head-on because the rules are never fair, and i thought i would play my cards well.
there have been times i must admit that i wished people were more understanding and accepting of me, of who i am and what i have become but this isn't reality. what is out there ---- people will always judge you, regardless of the kindness you've shown; they will have an opinion of you despite not knowing anything about you. and if they cannot see me for me then i cannot do anything about it. i will not apologize for who i am. if you treat me as if i'm non-existent, well, i cannot do anything about it. i'm pretty sure you believe that you don't care about me because i am nothing and nobody in your eyes.
well, i couldn't care less if you don't care about me. because whether you like it or not, i am present, and you cannot just pretend i don't exist because i do. and i will be in your life, whether we both like it or not. sadly, it was a choice made for us. but i have come to terms with it.
i do not expect that you come to terms with that because i have never known you to be wise despite your age. and no matter how you attempt to make my life miserable again, you will not succeed the second time around. "wala akong atraso sa inyo kaya alam kong wala akong dapat pagbayaran." i cannot ask you to leave me alone because it would mean hurting a loved one. eventually, our paths would cross again but i am ready for you. i just hope you stop taunting me because i do not know how angry i could be capable of, of what i can actually say or do. sadly, you are one of my realities that i'm always on the lookout for. but i come prepared.
while i write this, i'm in my room watching TV, chatting, bloghopping, yes, multi-tasking except what i'm supposed to do (read and research). this is one of the luxuries that i am so thankful for. i have my days off, and i can fully enjoy my ME time. God bless our household help. she has full control of the boys. all they do is sleep when with her. with me around, they are the rowdiest, craziest, roughest lot, and my patience is almost running on reserve. this reality reminds me that i'm no superwoman. i cannot do things all by myself. my life has been a breeze because i have support, and God is with me. seriously.
i'm considering a career change, and i'm working towards it --- taking eligibility exams, submitting my application, undergoing the exam and interviews. i have thought about these possible changes and for starters, made sure that i have more than enough "strong points" in my resume. more importantly, i have prayed for this. i know i want this change, and i think i have articulated this to Him nonstop. He didn't need to be convinced that i'd want nothing else. i cannot imagine doing something else in the future. in short, He knew that all i needed was His blessing that it was a go. and so far, He was a faithful God and an encouraging Father. i gave my best, i knew i did well, all i prayed for was that nothing goes wrong, na hindi ako mapulitika and that there'd be no glitches. so i want in joyful anticipation.
a friend of mine commented that it appears that 2011 is my year, and i realized it is but so was 2010. even when 2010 and the year before that was beset with problems, of which most were created by people around me, i survived it. i did not just survive it but i learned from it. i am happier and braver now because of people put put me down, who mocked me. i was hurt bigtime but i moved on. i let go of the feeling of insecurity that they created in me. i no longer doubted myself and the decisions i made. but i am still composed. hindi ako nang-eskandalo o nang-away. i let karma run its course. after all, there is justice. i learned to not fight head-on because the rules are never fair, and i thought i would play my cards well.
there have been times i must admit that i wished people were more understanding and accepting of me, of who i am and what i have become but this isn't reality. what is out there ---- people will always judge you, regardless of the kindness you've shown; they will have an opinion of you despite not knowing anything about you. and if they cannot see me for me then i cannot do anything about it. i will not apologize for who i am. if you treat me as if i'm non-existent, well, i cannot do anything about it. i'm pretty sure you believe that you don't care about me because i am nothing and nobody in your eyes.
well, i couldn't care less if you don't care about me. because whether you like it or not, i am present, and you cannot just pretend i don't exist because i do. and i will be in your life, whether we both like it or not. sadly, it was a choice made for us. but i have come to terms with it.
i do not expect that you come to terms with that because i have never known you to be wise despite your age. and no matter how you attempt to make my life miserable again, you will not succeed the second time around. "wala akong atraso sa inyo kaya alam kong wala akong dapat pagbayaran." i cannot ask you to leave me alone because it would mean hurting a loved one. eventually, our paths would cross again but i am ready for you. i just hope you stop taunting me because i do not know how angry i could be capable of, of what i can actually say or do. sadly, you are one of my realities that i'm always on the lookout for. but i come prepared.
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