Of reminders and remembrances

a dear friend told me the other day that time has somehow prepared me to let be, let go and let God. i couldn't agree more. people, things, places and circumstances continue to shape me, and they are constant reminders --- of memories, of failures, joys and broken hearts. how many times have i found myself heart-broken? i need not have to be engaged romantically all the time to know how mind-blowing and catastrophic it is. i have had a share of friendships and ties and relationships that have ceased, have gone plateau or at a dead end. i have experienced ultimate frustrations and endless disappointments, the most hurtful have been those from the people i held dear. i am sure i have become a source of others' disappointments and pain as well. that is how i sum up my life: a journey towards meaningful relationships, and the ride has not at all been bump-free.

the few months, however, have reminded me that those worth keeping are readily worth-fighting for. but sometimes, the fights aren't yours alone but when you do find yourself in your lonesome, probably, it is time to let go.

every thing i have, no matter how cheap, freely given or impulsively bought (and usually foolishly expensive!) has a story to tell about the circumstances i was in, how i was, how i would have aspired to be. my new polka-dot bag reminds me that i should not forget to have fun (and find joy!) in the workplace, no matter how toxic it has become. my stash of cookies and chocolates is a source of nourishment, not for the healthy being but for the bruised ego or the sullen that needs to be spoilt rotten. my funky pens and notepads indicate that i am a mentor but i could br a friend too.

photos. the boys' photos to be framed allow me to be comforted that i have a home and a life outside work. photos sent by a friend whom i haven't seen or heard from for ages remind me of that friendship we shared. i do not want to think that everything we had is of the "past tense". for now, i am simply thankful that we managed to open our communication lines.

of course, milestones. inggo's arrival is a celebration of life itself.

all these alone make life worth striving for.