after my UPCAT

(as inspired by gay's blog post)

all i remembered when i took the UPCAT was eating my baon (Smokey's hotdog sandwich) while taking the exams in a very cold room in the School of Economics building.  because i was hopeful (and may kayabangan ng kaunti), the only campus and course i indicated in my UPCAT form was UP Diliman/BA in Political Science.  i guess, early on, i was already a fatalist that if it were meant to be, then it is.  so in my mind, all i had to do was give it my best shot then wait.  (but my dad made me take the Ateneo exam as well.  either he was hoping i would not end up being tibak like the rest of my mom's family or he wanted me to have a fall back should i flunk UPCAT.  obviously, he was hoping against (my) hope. lol!)  seriously, i tripled my prayers to pass my UPCAT.  while i know i will pass Ateneo, i just cannot imagine studying there.  i know that most of my classmates from St Paul and some friends from AC would be going there anyway but it didn't feel quite right then.  (but i did pass it and was even given a scholarship because i graduated with honors from a public high school thus the "privilege".  i still chose UP even when my parents had to pay full tuition fee because in the STFAP scale (of equity), my parents could pay.)  up to this day, i believed that UP chose me, which makes me swell with P-R-I-D-E and the ever persona-consuming "honor and excellence."


i knew that i passed the UPCAT from my Chemistry teacher.  i didn't want to go to the campus anymore because i was pretty sure that i was the only "C.P.F.M.M" (full name withheld for security reasons!) in this planet but my mom was so excited (her family would always have an UPCAT-passer in every generation;  make that at the end of every school year!) so i went with her to PHAN, and my name was there on that list for UPCAT 1992. (how funny was that!)

for the registration, i went with Mailz, a friend i met during those HS press conferences/competitions because she also passed UPD/Polsci.  we were queuing and when it was my turn to submit my documents, i learned that we were allowed to pick the block we'd belong to.  my choice of A4 was not random in anyway because i made an informed decision.  i chose A4 because we would have Communications 1 (instead of Komm 1), Humanities 1 (instead of Humanidades) and so on.  That early, i wanted to enjoy my UP life and not stress myself with too much studying like what i did in high school.  Mailz, on the other hand, picked A5 with the Komm and the Humanidades.  we agreed it would be strategic, in a way, because we would get to compare how similar or different things would be.  of course, we didn't have time for that!  while Mailz was busy studying (and she graduated cum laude), i was busy attending frat parties i got invited to, getting into new hobbies (like singing in a choir and learning tong-il moo do), going to mobs, and literally, staying "home" napping or reading a book or watching a movie in SM or Film Center with friends. (i stayed in a dorm during my UP life.)

(a digression --- i even remember asking my parents' permission if i could go out on dates already but promised to graduate on time, meaning, April 1996, and not having to take summer classes for back subjects.  i only took summer classes when i was an incoming Senior because i wanted more petiks time in my Senior year because i wanted to be active in my polsci org.)

the very first person i saw in my block was amor h, who happened to be my classmate in grade school.  though she wasn't my barkada in SPCP, at least, i felt comforted that i knew someone already.  the blockmates, whose names i got to know even before our Comms teacher arrived were alu (alona) and may (gerlin), who were from QueSci.  Then i got to know sienz, gay, jo, luke, ches-nico-tarts (the first guy friends in the block i got close to), ivy, dax (2 daxes), myke, kai and those (whom i thought were really uber studious that they scared me!) --- kat, loida, mara, winston, rals and nizette.  there were also amanda, lawrence, jerry (who left that same sem), joy, joyleen, lizette, tetay, bambi, kathleen, eliza, joanne and this guy (tolibas was his surname, i forgot his nick! senior moment! argh!).  i could have missed out on a few blockmates. how bad is this when we were only 36 in our block.  tsk.

while most went to the libe after classes, some (me included) went to CASAA to tambay, play cards or meet with friends from HS. (during the first few weeks of my undergrad life, i met up with my Tita Mariel, who was a Junior BS Psych student then, and she would introduce me to all her friends --- tibak friends, dormmates, guy friends from this and that frat).

i was aware that my blockmates were beginning to forge close friendships, and i was happy for them.  i knew then that i could be in that same circle or could be outside but it wasn't something that bothered me.  i knew i had friends in our block and that was enough.  i usually went to the libe on my own (again, i got so intimidated by my classmates who seemed too serious studying at that age!!!)  well, to begin with, almost everyone in our block graduated with honors --- vale, salu, mentions, etc. i graduated vale myself but i felt so "mortal" being with them.  they come to class so prepared.  most were so profound during recitations and had the initiative to discuss with our teachers.  i only recited when asked. how passive, right? well, that was a mindset to begin with.  that, i would be, at least, half the bibo girl i was in high school when i'd be in college.  HS was toxic and stressful and brain-dead-inducing.  i knew i didn't want to be that girl again.  i want to enjoy (my) life and get a degree within the 4-year scholarship provided by my parents.   the only thing i did consistent with my "past" life was to write well.  however, there was a time that a blockmate commented, "si pie pala magaling magsulat?!!" when i got a "1" on something.  (i don't remember for which subject but i could never forget that comment.  then, i was hurt that i became more committed to not have anything with my blockmates unless necessary, say, for urgent academic purpose.  this also made me go free sked when the first opportunity opened.  when i say i don't want academic pressure, this included not getting into interpersonal complications and drama.  i chose to distance myself.) note: i guess, then it was just that --- that i was just a pretty face amidst really smart polsci people. up to this day, i never regarded myself as pretty.  i'm not an over-achiever, and i am never too ambitious nor competitive.  i just do what i have to do.  that's how petiks i will always be. 

My KRH girlfriends taken years after we graduated (L-R): Shawie, Doods, Jess and chepie

incidentally, sometime in September of my freshman year, i got in Kalayaan Dorm and had every reason to go home at the end of classes.  when i needed to go to the libe (which was seldom, really!), i did it during Wednesdays when we didn't have school.  weekends i spend at home.  i leave the dorm Friday night and return Monday mornings.  life was simple, and it was nice having it that way.  i remember being asked by a guy friend-dormmate to be a corps sponsor but i politely declined.  to begin with, i thought those things were only offered to beauty queens (and there were a lot of stunners in Kalayaan, especially those from Cebu and Davao) and that would force me to "dress up", wear make-up and look glam.  i didn't dress up for school then.  i come to class in shorts most of the time and tsinelas (hindi pa uso ang "flipflops" noon) or jeans during reports.  i never fixed myself and even hurried to class with dripping hair (fresh from bath) because i usually overslept (that was how comfy dorm life became).  i had girlfriends in KRH and are good friends until now.

UPD Polsci Class 1996.  Most went to law school.

over my polsci years, despite not being a block anymore, i had to have polsci and econ classes with my blockmates.  some continue to study hard, others have mellowed and seemed to enjoy UP life more.  there were those who fell in love, were on perennial heartaches, were still in love, etc.  i had a heartbreak then a relationship that lasted for almost 7 years.  i don't remember having suitors but i knew i had a lot of crushes then.  for some totally distorted twist of fate, i would eventually know (or be told) that some of those cute guys i secretly desired after had crushes on me. *sigh*  (lucky me but not quite. lol!)

My TMD friends.  we enjoyed having picnics

i was also given the chance to learn martial arts while in Molave, and these people became my friends in the end.   we would train after class then plan to do socials next (e.g. watch movies, go out of town to swim, etc.)  Two couples from my Tong Il Moo Do friends ended up married.

B-6 roommates (L-R): mayet, lalaine and chepie  (doods and anne not in pix)

known to be one of the coolest dorms in UP, Molave was where i stayed the longest.  it was also a place filled with a lot of memories --- true friendships, first heartbreak, meeting your college sweetheart, dorm sem-ender parties and a lot of fun conversations with roommates almost every night.

of course, there would be my grad school life in UP.  i got a scholarship from the Civil Service Commission to take MA in PubAd.  i was compelled to study because: (1) i was on scholarship and an average of 1.75 (or 1.5?) was required every semester;  and (2) i grew up; thus my priorities have been ironed out.  well, i sort of crammed more than studied systematically but i always enjoyed doing group studies with my friends because it becomes (1) an intellectual discourse, which we thought we were not capable of!; and, (2) a good excuse to be balahura and talk about the professors (the good and the bad) and our classmates, who were either grandstanding or who were corrupt in many little ways, i.e. like inviting us to his workplace to study how legislative process works (but would want to make up for his absences to begin with!)

MPA girlfriends for life! (L-R): mamu jannet, julia, chepie and nins)

i remember receiving nasty emails from someone, accusing me of being malandi.  apparently, her bf got interested in me (and i didn't even know who he was!), that i was told to be dating this and that guy left and right when in fact, i was in a long distance relationship and could not date (for obvious reasons!)  you might think grad school was boring but i can only remember it to be F-U-N.  thanks to my MPA girlfriends and yes, dormmates in Sanggumay.  i know i have pix of MPA friends somewhere in FB but my patience has run out searching for those so the pix here is the latest i have of my girlfriends.

having fun being cooped up in Sanggumay (L-R): felich, frances, ket and chepie (honey and anna not in pix)

Autumn in Wing D. "Panalo!!!"

then there were my Sanggumay family -- i was "tita pie" to everyone.  almost everyone was doing full time grad studies.  there were those who started and stayed in Sanggu before me but became my friends.  then there were those who came in and made Wing D the bestest ever, especially during our open house.  i cannot name everyone here anymore because we were really a big group.  i also joined Lingkod that "activated" the spiritual me within. 

of course, aside from the rigorous academic life and the friends i made in grad school,  i wrote more and did better reciting in class.  i spent sleepless nights watching Meteor Garden and crying buckets then cramming for class after.  i think, i had heartbreaks during this period but i had girlfriends to cry with me then party after.  it was like being in college all over again but it was more fun, less intimidating (and i was more involved and proactive making friends.)

my UP life after UPCAT goes beyond and deeper than this post.  i may not be able to capture every thing even when i write a book about it.  what is most important for me now is to be given the chance to look back and see how life-changing it was to be in UP.  Thank you Lord for this blessing, and thanks UP for choosing me.