so obscenely materialistic me that it offends me

i am done with the research and writing sides that i did. not for a living but to satisfy my bag whore-ness. there have been days that i was numb-ified by too much kapuy from work, and my nights were no different.  it was like doing graduate school over again. research online, note-taking, writing but this was extremely different.  then i was slaving away for grades and diploma;  this time, i was turning nights into workdays for a bag.

despite having mr P around who's very willing to "gift" me with fancy things on occasion, i am (and will never be) used to having someone buy things for me.  so no matter how "materialistic" i may have sounded recently, i felt that i owe myself bigtime for working my ass off. 

a friend of mine (who had her trustworthy supplier) offered me a bag that i coveted for the longest time.  sadly, it was no longer available for some demand-supply problems.  because the bag was the goal i had, in my mind, i knew that i had to look around for other sellers albeit the costs and yes, additional effort on my part.  otherwise, my own tired brain and weary bones would boycott me altogether for forcing them to work double shifts then not pursuing that elusive bag at all.

i found a seller online.  hopefully, we could finalize transactions soon.

the bag is insanely expensive but i don't mind.  i know that it would give me some sense of pride that i was able to get it after some hard work.  it is tangible and a good proof that committed work pays off (so long as the other party pays on time and keeps his/her part of the business deal.)

more importantly, it will always be a constant reminded of how "being materialistic" feels, that my happiness counter has another indicator, and that is having THAT something you want, which might not be something you really need but then, that's beyond the point.

the most important lesson i learned here is not to be reliant on anyone for things that i want for myself --- to achieve anything --- that i have to start doing things my own.  all the triggers i should start because the whole Universe will not make things happen if i'm just under the covers, at home, lazing my bum off.

when i do get that bag, in a month or two, next year, 5 years from now, i know i would look back joyfully. not for the merest reason of being able to buy that obscenely expensive bag but at one point in my life, i was a bilmoko, but to myself.