fickle-mindedness at work

the "because i want to write" mindset has waned because this site is up. i realized i could not bear seeing this every time i check my blog as it already adds pressure to what is evident when you have friends who read you.  there goes my non-existent creativity to come up with a catchy, so-moi title page.   then i would have to unearth my html skills so this becomes visit-worthy for my "readers."  then i make notes to self: photos, "amended" profile, a banner that screams my personality and more.  i think i would stick to this polka-dotted wallpaper as dots appeal to me like stripes on babies. 

please do not think that i'm a paid blogger today.  i'm home (thawing tilapia for lunch) and reading news (and gossip!!) online.  i am blessed to have work that pays the bills and a schedule that allows me to have a life.  research work (especially in an NGO) allows you to have some flexibility to telecommute and much more room to surf (and yes, chat and social network).  the Boss emailed the other day, requesting me to come Friday and swap it with my regular work day because someone from UP-CBA is coming for internship.  i would have wanted to say, "Sorry, Sir. Friday is our 2nd Year Anniv (Ahem. Clap! Clap! Clap!)" but Mr P won't be around anyway so let tomorrow be a work day.  besides i was already absent yesterday. lol! (shhh..)

i would be supervising this guy, C, and i have no idea what work i would be giving him.  
management theorists argue that a mark of a good leader is one who delegates (among other seemingly "perfect" attributes).  i am not used to delegating much because i am impatient, have a distorted level of OC-ness and non-confrontational.  i do not like repeating myself.  i edit (even myself) because copyreading is second nature to me.  and most of all, ayokong nakakasakit ng damdamin ng tao, which i think is inevitable when you are the little Boss (albeit short time).  no matter how diplomatic you sound, there will always be that time that an ego is bruised or a heart is broken.

you can just imagine how it was when we had a household help recently.  she was paid market rates when her domain was a mere box for a home.  we only ate in the morning and our clothes were brought to the trusted laundry shop.  all she had to do was to prepare breakfast (and dinner, only when the situation calls for it), run errands (buy Coke when the supply runs out) and keep that little box clean.  for that very light, simple job description, she failed to deliver.  when all i wanted was the initiative to make sure we had food on the table when we wake up without having to ask us.  i remember one time, she reasoned that she didn't know what we wanted for breakfast so she literally waited for us to wake up, and we woke up at 2pm.  i tried to sound cool but i was on the verge of wringing her neck when i told her, "whatever is inside that fridge is something that we like so go pick and cook."  she was fired after a month.  she was a non-performing asset to begin with. naibulsa ko pa ang pang-sweldo ko para sa kanya.

initiative, like common sense, does not run in abundance in many people.  some really want to be told step-by-step (even if you slap him/her with a manual of sort).  they wait until instructed.  worse, they move only when they feel like doing so (especially if freebies come as incentive).  free loaders (aptly referred to as "free riders" in economics 101) are cut from the same fabric.  i wonder if procrastinators (like me) could fall under this group.  i hope not.  it's not easy for me to delegate but i work well even in a team.  once the task on hand is urgent and/or involves others, i am not lax.  like an energizer bunny, i am done in no time. (apologies for the icky graphic representation.) 

another seemingly disintegrating concept is personal space. twitter (which i don't have) and other social networking tools allow us to know first hand just about anything that people disclose about themselves.  just like blogging, i am enabled to manage my own exhibitionist-eque tendency.  but there are others who want more of you, intrusive and often insensitive.  these people know no borders.  they do not know when to stop.  worse, they judge you as if they know you.  feeling close ang drama ng mga taong ito.  too bad if you aren't upfront and could not shoo them away.

i can go on and on but it's stress amplified.  what have you noticed around you?