Waiting at a 50/50 Chance

So this is how waiting feels.

for someone quite impatient, I'm not really good at this.  from that day til now, I feel I'm on stitches.  Some heavy load seems to be weighing down on my chest.  The what ifs are here again.  I felt I wanted some rewind to do better.  But then again, it's done and the waiting begins.

Funny how sometimes I feel so confident, that I know what to say, as spontaneously and articulate as I thought and hoped.  but I end up wishing I said something else, using better words, constructed professional-sounding sentences.  looking back, the only thing that consoles me was that I was honest and sincere.

reality bites: you don't really know you want it oh so bad was when you had to wait for it after all.  you thought it was nothing.  you don't need/want it.  but you went ahead then it hits you, you want to see it fly.

and just the like those times when I'm jittery and impatient, i ramble on and on. hello, 42 year old.  you need some smack on your head.

FAITH.  always always always my lone resort when I feel i could have done better.  in the end, even if I did well (which wasn't really the case, I think), it is my Faith that allows me to believe and trust that all will be well.  because in the grand scheme of things, there is no better else to do but to give and hope for the best, and wait.

thought for today

INTERESTING TIMES.

The Irony Of It

it takes discernment, a sense of purpose and Divine Providence to not fall into the pit of that leadership abyss.  when you are unfeeling and everything else for you needs to be treated with rationality, objectivity, (to some extent a legal frame), you are a no non-sense Boss;  but there is a thin line between this and being uncaring, un-emotional, not a people-person and to some extent, indifferent and robotic.  when you are open and encourage openness, you can be accused of opening floodgates of emotional outbursts, frank candidness and irrational response to an equally irrational behavior.  when you are rigid, regimented, discourages communication and honesty, you are a model of human rights' violator.

when people say it is lonely at the top, i thought they were just being melodramatic.  on hindsight, while it is not lonely at the top, it is a spot for survival because there will always be someone, who will want that spot and would readily pounce at you to dislodge you, making you fall from Grace when all the while you thought, you were simply doing your job well.

where has Humanity gone?

Non-negotiables 101_v1

i can't play along bullshit. i.am.never.this.

i've always been low key and relied heavily on good work. i believed ever since that (good) work precedes perception (and popularity!), that a good heart precedes brilliance, an untarnished reputation precedes fame and recognition.

i know i was not raised to take shit mindlessly. i was never allowed to play dumb for success. i am what i am because i speak my mind when Time and circumstance call it. i choose my battles well but i do not cower in fear just because you are Goliath and i am perceived to be thumbelina.

hindi araw-araw pasko. tandaan mo yan.

if you were not raised with even a bit of courtesy in your body, i pity you.  kahit ikaw pa ang Ambassador to Mars, i owe you nothing.

you still have to earn my respect.  as of date, i feel nothing for you but all indifference and disgust.

This 2016

today is the 14th, and i felt the rush to blog about how i want 2016 to be, and the things I need to do. i am pretty sure that this list is random, and when am done writing (and posting!), i might not even attempt to go back to this by year-end. well, who cares?  at least, i get to blog today, and i get to dream big and wish silly.

#40NaSiAriesVacay

so off we went to Tagbilaran from Dec 11-15, 2015

was with H, Nico, Mayet and 2 seniors: Mum and Leds.  That Bohol trip was the first in so many levels and feels:  first time in Bohol (for H, Mayet and Leds), first to ride the plane (Leds), the first Visayas trip for H and his first domestic flight. All these firsts gave us a very good excuse to do all sorts of touristy things.

Day 1 was when we went to see the butterflies, the Chocolate Hills, drove the ATV (my first time!), did the zipline (first time for H and Mayet!), visited Baclayon Church (offered Mass for Dad!), did the Loboc Cruise (and had lunch there!).

Day 2 was kuyakoy and laze around in Dumaluan Resort, where we stayed.  Enjoyed their food, their room, and their in-house massage (thanks ate lucy!)

Day 3 was our Island hop --- saw a gazillion dolphins (and ran after them! chased them! them swimming after us!); they were just TOO many that i didn't know where to look!  it was such a joyful experience that we couldn't stop muttering, "Thank you, Lord!" "Wow!" a few dozen times that time.  Then we had lunch in the "Blessed Baclayon Island Cafe" where Ate cooked seafood for us and barbecued some chicken wings! it was a simple yet very satisfying lunch!  Then we went to Virgin Island (twas gorgeous!) and then Kuya Randy (the boatman) brought us to Alona Beach so we could experience the more "ma-gimik" side of Panglao.  we had the yummiest kinilaw (in the Island that is!) there, and probably the most delicious bacon-wrapped TJ hotdog. HAHAHHA

Then Day 4 was our trip to Manila.

it was also a food feast ---dumaluan's kare-kare (the best!), cheese, margarita and meat pizza!, baby back ribs, lechon kawali, calamares, squid fried with paprika, ripe mangoes, pochero, crispy pata, steamed lapu lapu, grilled lapu lapu, lapu lapu in sesame oil, shrimps! shrimps! shrimps! in all sorts of luto, beef bulalo, and brekky of bacon, eggs, chorizo, loboc cruise buffet, all those junk food (chips and chocolates), and siomai and siopao and freedom fries from naia3.  just thinking back made me gain 5 lbs. oh, and did i mention, beer na beer, san mig light and mule fest too?! and those fresh bucos that sina mum enjoyed.

the weather was like Summer --- hot, windy, breezy, cool, and starry night.

overall, it was a gratifying experience that i am thankful for.  i was with loved ones, and we were able to spend time together while enjoying the beauty of the country.  like what Mayet posted in FB, that trip was a proof and test of patience, humility, generosity and gratitude.

God is good! All the time.  Salamat po, Lord. Sa uulitin.

*pix in my social media accounts (FB and IG)

#marayafamtravels

our FBs and IGs were updated real time as we flew to Cebu and hopped around and to Tagbilaran (for a Day Tour), Ormoc then Tacloban.  we did touristy stuff (sightseeing), ate so much, enjoyed massage, the kids swam non-stop, slept and rested, and just literally, spent time together as a family.  H wasn't able to join us because he had work to do but since we were online in social media, he was updated with our movement.

as it has always been, it is difficult to put everything into writing, much more, blog about it like a travelog.  there were just too many special moments, especially of laughter, and eating a lot that cannot even be documented even by the most prolific writer.

all i can say is Thank you Lord for this blessing of TRAVEL WITH THE FAMILY.  we pray for the opportunity to do it again next year.